


Where My Demons Hide

by Zandra_Court



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Aggressive Parenting - Freeform, Bisexuality, Domestic Discipline, Domestic McDanno, Drug Use, Family Drama, Gen, M/M, McDanno Parenting, Strict Parenting, Teen Angst, use of gay slurs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-08
Updated: 2021-01-08
Packaged: 2021-03-12 09:47:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 19,828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28633497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zandra_Court/pseuds/Zandra_Court
Summary: No one ever said parenting teenagers was easy. But a now-teenage Charlie Williams is putting all his parents to the test when the burdens he carries over his infant years bubbles forth in ways he cannot control.Fic is Charlie-centric, but there are moments of solid McDanno love.
Relationships: Danny “Danno” Williams & Charlie Williams, Steve McGarrett & Charlie Williams, Steve McGarrett/Danny "Danno" Williams
Comments: 20
Kudos: 100





	Where My Demons Hide

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger Warning: Nothing Steve or Danny do to Charlie in this story meets the criteria of child abuse per the laws in my state. But they do get physical or forceful with him at times and I wanted to alert anyone who may struggle with abuse history that scenes in this work may be triggering.
> 
> Continuity: This story exists in the world of my Crashing Into You Series, but is not a part of it. You don’t have to have read that series to follow this story, but there are occasional references or head canons to events in that universe.

**2 AM, Saturday Morning, First Week of April.**

“Nora 6 in pursuit of a black Camaro, Hawai’i license Zero-Six-Four-Adam-Lincoln-Zebra. Suspect just turned east on Kanealii.” Officer Brookings held his radio lightly in his hand waiting for dispatch to respond.

“Nora 6, that plate comes back as registered to the Five-0 Task Force by Detective Williams. Advise if vehicle is in pursuit.”

“Negative. Vehicle was observed driving at least 40 above the limit and failing to yield at a red light. Vehicle does not appear to be in pursuit of another vehicle. Is 3 Nora 4 available to contact Five-0 and determine if they are responding to a call? Vehicle is still failing to yield to lights and siren.”

The car had slowed down to 60, but was still going 25 above the speed limit for these streets. Officer Brookings was glad it was 0200, or else there would be way more cars on the road. He hoped his squad supervisor could verify it really was Detective Williams, or more likely Commander McGarrett, in the car and then they could tell him to either back off or assist.

“3 Nora 4 to Nora 6. Go to Tac 4 for Commander McGarrett.”

“Copy, 3 Nora 4.”

“This is Commander McGarrett. Who am I talking to?”

“This is Officer Brookings, sir. Are you in pursuit or responding currently on Kanealii Avenue?”

“Negative, Officer. Who are you following?”

“Black Camaro, plate Zero-Six-Four-Adam-Lincoln-Zebra.”

“Officer Brookings, has the vehicle yielded?”

“No, but it is slowing. It’s now going 55 in a 35. Wait, now it’s pulling over.”

“OK. Detain the driver and impound the car.”

“Sir?”

“Proceed with your stop as you would normally, Officer.”

Officer Brookings saw another unit arrive behind him and his squad supervisor rounded the corner and pull in front of the Camaro, blocking it in.

“Yes, Sir. Nora 6 over.”

He dialed the radio to speaker and spoke into his mic, “Driver, turn off the engine and exit the vehicle with your hands raised.” He could see that his supervisor and Officer Momalayah were now positioned with their doors open and guns drawn. He opened his door and stood, gun drawn, radio still in his hand. The driver’s door opened and a skinny, blond kid stepped out, his hands by his shoulders. He spoke into his radio again.

“Driver, turn around and walk backwards from the vehicle. Stop. Get on your knees and put your hands on your head.” The kid started to turn back towards him.

“NOW!” He barked and the kid jumped, startled, then dropped to his knees. Hands on top of his head. Brookings dropped his radio and walked toward the kid quickly, grabbing hold of his fingers tightly and he kicked his boot between the kid’s ankles. “Spread your knees.” He barked.

“Ow, fuck! What are you...”

Brookings ignored him, pushing him between the shoulder blades so he bent forward and then pulled both wrists behind him and cuffed him. He then pulled on one elbow, yanking the kid back over his ankles and his butt hit the ground.

“Goddammit” the boy yelled as his ass hit the pavement hard.

“What’s your name?” Brookings asked him, blue lights flashed around him as another two units showed up.

The kid looked at the ground saying nothing. Brookings cupped him under the chin and lifted his head up. “Look you dumb shit. You made a wrong call in boosting a car belonging to a police officer, so unless you want this night to get much, much worse, you better tell me who you are.”

“I didn’t boost it. It’s mine.”

“Oh really?”

“Joe.” Sergeant Alana called him. He turned and his boss held out a cell phone that had a sleeve on the back with a driver’s license. He took it and pulled the license out to read the name.

He looked back at the teenager who was once again looking at the ground. He walked over to him and grabbed him by the elbow again.

“Lean into me so you can stand up.” Walking the boy to his patrol car, he helped him get seated and pulled a seat belt across him, buckling it. “Gotta say, kid, I’m really glad I’m not you tonight.”

“What’s gonna happen?” The boy kept looking at the floor.

“I can tell you what ought to happen. I should be arresting you for reckless endangerment, felony evading, and about 15 traffic violations. You should lose your license until you’re 18. So you better grovel at his fucking feet when you get home, you hear me?” The officer didn’t wait for a reply before slamming the door shut.

Forty minutes later, the patrol car pulled in front of his mom’s place. Charlie was surprised they hadn’t taken him to his dads’ until he saw the dark blue Camaro parked in the driveway. Officer Brookings opened the back door, helped him out and silently unlocked the cuffs. Charlie rubbed at the deep red welts that had formed on his wrists from being pinched against the metal. The officer grabbed him firmly by the left elbow and walked him to the door and knocked loudly. He’d expected his mom or Danno to open the door, but it was his dad instead.

Steve stepped outside and closed the door behind him and motioned for him for him to sit on the porch swing outside. “You sit there and don’t move until I get back. If you so much as twitch off of this seat, it’s gonna be the biggest mistake you’ve ever made, you understand me?” Growing up, Danno was the one who would lose his temper, not Steve. The fierceness of his dad’s anger scared him.

“Answer me, Charlie.” Steve shouted at him, inches from his face and Charlie flinched.

“Yes, sir.” He croaked. He watched as Steve walked with the officer back to the patrol car and spoke to him for several minutes. He tried to hear what they were saying but couldn’t, so he focused on trying to hear if there was anything coming from inside the house. Where were his mom and Danno? The sound of the patrol car starting up drew his focus and he watched as his dad walked over.

“Inside. Let’s go.”

Charlie stood and went inside. He could feel the heat of Steve’s body right behind him.

“They’re in the kitchen.” Steve said firmly.

He walked down the hall and turned to see his parents sitting at the kitchen table. Both looked at him and he could see that his mom had been crying. His gut clenched with guilt and he stopped walking.

“Sit down.” Steve growled in his ear.

Charlie had been in trouble before but no one was acting like they usually did. Granted, he’d never fucked up this bad, but having Steve be so forceful was something that had never, ever happened before. Was it because Steve wasn’t actually his father? He remembered very clearly the day Danno told him he and Uncle Steve were going to get married and he’d asked if he could start calling him “Dad” instead of “Uncle Steve”. Stan had been his stepdad first, but he’d never treated him like a son, or even as if he liked him at all, for as long as he could remember. Uncle Steve, though, he was fun and always told him how much he loved him. Until tonight. Tonight, Steve was hard and rough. And scary. Had he managed to lose the love of another stepdad? His heart sank and he felt unsteady, like he might fall down, when firm hands were on his elbow and hip, guiding him to the chair. Steve placed a hand on his shoulder, holding him, making him feel both restrained and connected. He didn’t like it exactly, but there was a tiny bit of comfort in it too.

Charlie couldn’t look at his parents and stared at the tabletop.

“What happened tonight?” Danny asked quiet but with a hard edge in his voice.

“I don’t know.”

“You don’t know? Hmm, that’s a fascinating answer because here’s what I know. You were clocked by traffic cameras blowing through 3 full red lights at an estimated 85 miles an hour. Then, in your incredible brilliance, when a blue and white lit up behind you, YOU DIDN’T STOP! This sounding familiar?!”

There was the temper he was used to from Danno. “I stopped.” He protested.

“After four miles! Four miles isn’t yielding, Charlie! Four miles is evading! Four miles is a felony stop! As in guns drawn. That means when you stepped out of that car, there were at least three fully-loaded Sig Saur’s pointed at your chest ready to take you down if you so much as breathed wrong. Do you get that?!” Danny pounded his fist on the table and both Rachel and Charlie jumped.

“Daniel...” his mom spoke quietly and he watched Danno push back from the table and pace.

Turning to him, his mom said, “Honey, you’re going live with Steve and Danny full time for a while.”

Charlie felt sucker-punched. “NO!” He stood up and spun around, facing Steve, who stood his ground but didn’t move towards him. “Things are fine as they are.” He felt irrational because his dads were normally more strict and now they were gonna be nuclear-strict...acid roiled in his belly...how could she kick him out?

She walked over and spoke softly to him. “What happened tonight shows that maybe things are not fine.”

His hurt and anger boiled within and he felt hot. “So you’re kicking me out? You want to get rid of me?” He saw her tears and the guilt and rage became unstoppable.

“Fuck you!” He yelled and he punched the wall behind her, right next to her head, denting the drywall. She screamed and the next thing he felt was the body blow as Danno launched at him, tackling him to the floor. The wind knocked out of him as he felt his arms being bent behind his back, his father on top of him.

“You ever,” Danny tightened his grip, pulling Charlie’s wrists further up his back, causing pain to shoot up his arms and into his shoulder, “try to hit your mother, you’re gonna learn exactly what real pain feels like. You think you’re tough? Huh?”

Charlie was crying fully now, overwhelmed by his own shame, guilt, rage, and fear. “Stop, Danno, please. You’re hurting me.”

His dad pushed off him but kept a knee in his back, still holding his arms in a forearm block behind him, but he let his wrists slide lower, easing the pain in his shoulders. “You have two choices right now. You can apologize to your mom and we will walk calmly to the car or you can apologize to your mom and we zip-cuff you and drag your ass to the car. But no matter what, you’re telling your mom you’re sorry for scaring her and for damaging her house. You hear me?” Danny shook his son in emphasis.

Charlie felt weak, like he couldn’t catch his breath. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry” He sobbed into the floor.

Danny shifted into a squat and rolled his son over so he was facing him. “Look at her and tell her.” He pulled on Charlie’s shoulder, sitting him up.

“I’m sorry, Mom.” His heart breaking as tears flowed down her face and she nodded, unable to speak.

Steve squatted down in front of him. “Charlie, don’t push us any more tonight. Or we’re taking you to the station and letting them book you. Home or jail. Which is it?”

“Home.” His voice was barely a whisper.

Steve stood and extended a hand to him. He took it and let him help him up. Steve wrapped an arm around his waist, and held his inside wrist, again, maintaining a control hold on him. Charlie now understood it meant Steve didn’t trust him and he found himself leaning into the tall, strong body, desperate to not feel like he was being left to fall.

_How did things go so bad so fast? Why did he let Jesse talk him into racing? Why hadn’t he just pulled over as soon as he saw the lights flash? Why was he so stupid? Why?_

Steve’s arms drew him closer, holding him. “C’mon, son.”

The darkness inside him screamed out, _I’m not your son! I’m not anybody’s son!_ But Charlie held it in, afraid of his own thoughts, and let Steve walk him to the door. He could hear Danno and his mom talking softly but not what they were saying. By the time they reached the front door, his dads were both behind him. He saw Danno grab his school backpack and baseball gear bag off their hooks by the door and throw them over his shoulder. Then he saw in the other hand, Danno carried his big duffel bag that he used to move his clothes and personal stuff back and forth every other week. His mom and Danno must have been packing it while he’d waited outside with Steve. Logically, he knew they weren’t sending him away. He was just going from one home to the other. But that didn’t change the dark pit of hopelessness that sat like a stone in his gut.

5050505050

Charlie had fallen asleep on the drive home but woke up when the car stopped in the driveway. Steve had opened his door and held his hand out.

“I can get out on my own.” Charlie grumbled as he pushed himself out of the back seat of the two-door Sport car.

“I know you can, but until I’m satisfied with your behavior, I’m holding on to you.” Steve took him by the wrist and stepped behind him, a hand in the middle of his back. Danny had grabbed his duffel and backpacks from the trunk and was walking in front of them.

Once inside, Steve locked the door and set the alarm. They normally locked up that way before bed but somehow it felt different tonight. Danno handed him his bags.

“Go put your stuff in your room and come back down here. Your night ain’t over yet.” Danny walked into the kitchen and Charlie was only a couple steps up the stairs when he realized Steve was following him.

“I know how to get to my room.” He shot back as he kept walking. Steve stayed silent. When he got to his room, he tried to shut the door but a strong arm caught and held it open. “I want to change!” He said with defiance.

“Then change.” Steve crossed his arms and stood just inside the doorway.

“ARRGH!” Charlie shouted as he threw his duffle on the bed and dug around for his track pants and t-shirt. He’d been itching to get out of his clothes which were dirty from how much time he had spent on either the ground or the floor tonight. He tossed his jeans and sweat-soaked Henley into the hamper, then his socks, before pulling on his clean clothes and sat heavily on his bed as Steve stood immovable in the door way.

“Why are you being like this?” Charlie looked at him, voice cracking.

“You were released into my custody. In the eyes of the law, I’m just married to your father, not one of your parents, so the shift captain allowed it. Until this is sorted, I’m the officer detaining you. The sooner you wake up to how serious this is and come clean about what happened tonight, the better we can help you. But you need to understand what your dad and I are putting on the line just to have you here right now.”

Charlie stood and wordlessly held out his wrist for Steve to take. This time though, he cupped his hand, holding it like he used to when he was 10 and they’d walk from school to the baseball field.

In the kitchen, Danny had put out a plate of sliced cheese, crackers, grapes, and poured a glass of chocolate milk. Charlie sat and started eating, overcome by how hungry he was. Danny handed Steve a cup of coffee with butter, and they sat on either side of Charlie.

“Drink the milk.” Steve offered. “The crash you’re feeling is from all the adrenalin and endorphins leaving your system. The protein and sugar will help.”

“Why were you driving like that tonight?” Danny asked. Without looking at either of them, Charlie shared how it unfolded.

“Jesse, Taavi, and Cade were talking shit to me at the beach tonight and then Jesse challenged me to a drag race. They’d been ragging on me since 6th period and, I don’t know, I said yes because he doesn’t know my car has a pursuit engine, so I knew I could beat him. And I know when you gave it to me that you and mom argued about it because she thought it was too fast for me to have at 16 and you told her you trusted me not to drive too fast but...”

Steve and Danny exchanged looks but stayed quiet, waiting.

“Cade said a pussy like me had no business driving a car like that and then Jesse said maybe it was defective or something and couldn’t go fast. He asked if it was a pussy car for a pussy guy and I don’t know, I just...I couldn’t back down.

“And I won. I won and the thrill of going that fast, it just...I didn’t want to stop. I felt like I wanted to drive forever. And when I saw the lights, I thought, maybe they’d just think I was you and let me go. But then he stayed behind me and didn’t leave, so I slowed down and...I don’t know what I was thinking.

“Eventually I realized he wasn’t going to go away so I pulled over. And I almost called you, Danno. I had my phone in my hand, but then they were yelling at me over the loudspeaker and I realized they thought the car was stolen and I freaked out.”

He looked back and forth between his dads, trying to get a read on them.

“Well, you won’t have to worry about anyone knocking you down for your car anymore, so I guess there’s that.” Danny said.

Charlie’s eyes went wide, “What happened to the car?”

“It’s impounded. So unless you have $3600 to get it out, it will go to police auction in 14 days.”

He sank back in his chair. Danno knew he didn’t have anywhere close to that kind of money.

“You’re just gonna let them sell it?”

“Yeah, because I have a car. I could have traded that one in when got my new one, but I trusted you with it instead and apparently that was a mistake on my part. So now it gets to raise money for Kevlar vests for the Canine Unit.”

“Not like you were gonna be using it much anyway.” Steve said, taking a sip from his mug.

“How long am I grounded for?”

“Four months.” Steve said.

“Four months! That’s half the summer!”

“And that’s how long Captain Kamaka said you needed to stay out of even the barest hint of trouble or he will issue a warrant for your arrest for the charges you should be facing tonight.” Steve’s voice was hard and firm.

He slumped even further in the chair. “And am I in your ‘custody’ that whole time?”

“One of us or your mom will drive you to school and pick you up from baseball practice every day. If you demonstrate you can be trusted, we can shift to you riding the bus on your own.”

“And once school is out?”

Steve held out his hands and turned turned around like he was a game show host. “You get to vacation in lovely Castle McGarrett-Williams, complete with back yard.”

“What about my friends?”

Danny spoke up, “You will earn your privileges through your choices and behavior. No more yelling and back talk. No more punching walls.”

“You’re one to talk.” Charlie grumbled under his breath.

“Excuse me?” Danny’s voice raised a tick.

Charlie leaned forward and pointed to the scar on his dad’s right second and third knuckles. He hadn’t been home but he knew his father had punched a door hard enough to break his hand and need stitches.

“Fine. When you have your own house, you can punch all the walls you want. Until then, every weekend you don’t have a game, you’re gonna be patching the hole in your mom’s kitchen.”

He rolled his eyes. “I don’t know how.”

“Well, you’re very lucky that we do and are more than happy to teach you.” Danny gave him a joyless grin.

“Can I go to bed now?”

“Yeah.” Steve answered, knowing they were all past their fatigue points. “But your door stays open. You close it, it comes off.”

“What about my privacy!”

“You don’t have privacy right now. Your sister is married now, so its just us. You wanna jerk off, do it in the shower.”

“Oh my god!” Charlie groaned, his face flushing. He stood up and headed for his room.

“Still better than jail!” Danny shouted after him.

5050505050

One thing Charlie couldn’t appreciate was that Steve and Danny had to leave their bedroom door open too, so they could be alert to him if needed. Steve didn’t expect him to try any more stupid tonight. Charlie was a good kid. He felt for him, especially if he was getting bullied at school. Part of what made Danny so scrappy and aggressive came right from all he had to endure growing up. Danny hadn’t reached his full height of 5’5 until he was a Junior, which is still shorter than most boys in high school. Charlie was just over 5’9. Whatever was making him a target wasn’t likely to be his height. Steve hoped they could get to the bottom of that and get these other boys to back the hell off.

Danny yanked off the t-shirt and jeans he’d thrown on when HPD had woken them up earlier, and collapsed into bed. “Well, tonight pretty much sucked.”

Steve stripped down too and turned out the light as he pulled his husband close, Danny’s back to his chest. He kissed his neck and up to his ears, lightly caressing his fingers through the caramel-colored fuzz that covered his partner’s chest. “No more talking, no more thinking. Time for sleep.”

Danny yawned and he snuggled back. “Bossy.”

“Yup.”

He kept gently petting him until his breathing became regular and he knew Danny was asleep. Slowly pulling back, not wanting to wake him, Steve got up and quietly went down the hall to Charlie’s room. He found his son lying on his back on top of his covers, staring at the ceiling.

Steve sat on the bed next to him. “You will get through this, y’know.”

“Why are you so sure?”

“Because me, your dad, and your mom will make sure you do.”

“She kicked me out.” Steve’s heart broke at the pain in those words.

“She didn’t. I met you at the door because Rachel and Danny were still arguing about it. But she had to agree or I’d’ve had to take you back to the precinct.”

“I scared her.” Charlie rolled onto his side, drawing his knees to his chest.

“You did. And the way you feel right now, you need to never forget it. Your dad and I, we have to use violence in our work, and believe me when I say I understand both the rush of power and the release that comes from letting go of your anger and fear that way. But I don’t hit people I love, no matter how angry I am. Your dad, he punched me once in anger, years ago, and still apologizes to me for it. Charlie, hurting people... killing people... that feeds a deep darkness inside that I have to work hard every single day to keep from over taking me. Same for your dad. Don’t be eager to wake that beast within yourself. It never leads anywhere good, even when done to protect someone else.”

“How many people have you killed?” Charlie asked the question he’d always wondered but never dared.

“Any number higher than one is shameful and it’s a shame I carry every day. I’m not gonna tell you anything that implies I’m somehow stronger or more badass. I’ve taken human life and that’s bad enough.”

“Bet no one ever called you a pussy.” Charlie wiped his face on his pillow, eyes wet but not crying.

“And that is a bet you’d lose. I’ve been called a pussy, girl, fag, lady, homo, a weak-ass bitch...more than half of those by my drill instructor during basic training. And the fucking hell of it is, most of the women I know could kick the ass of any of the assholes who called me names. Think about your mom, your Auntie Kono, Auntie Tani... none of those boys who called you pussy tonight are anywhere close to as a strong, smart, and powerful as those women. Driving fast and punching walls isn’t what makes you a man.”

Steve tapped his fingers on Charlie’s chest. “Being a man comes from in here. From living with integrity. Everything else is bullshit.”

“You make it sound so easy.”

“Maybe you’re making it too hard.” Steve reached over and pulled the blanket from the far side of the bed and wrapped it over Charlie as he brushed wet strands of hair from his forehead.

“It’s almost dawn and you need to sleep. Everything seems worse when you’re tired. Things will look better tomorrow, I promise.”

Charlie grabbed his hand, holding tight. “I’m sorry.”

“I know, Charlie-bear. I know. I love you.” Steve kissed his temple and rubbed his back for a moment and left him to sleep.

5050505050

Monday morning, Charlie stood at his locker, trying to shove his baseball bag in and struggling to make it fit. Freshmen and Sophomores had the smaller, half-wall lockers and he couldn’t keep his gear bag in his car anymore, but he also didn’t want to carry it around all day. He’d turned 16 in January and he’d been so happy that the start of baseball season meant he didn’t have to fight the daily battle with his locker because he could store his bag in the trunk. He always parked his car by the ball fields and would grab it before practice. Now he was back to fighting with his small locker like the rest of the underclassmen.

He was still pushing the bag, trying to decide if he needed to pull out his bat and glove first when his body was slammed into the locker from behind and he hit his face on the metal door. A spot above his eye pulsed painfully and he turned to see Jesse leaning against the lockers next to him. “Where’s your bad-ass car, Pussy?”

“Go to hell.” Charlie decided to give up and just take his gear bag with him to First Period.

“You first.” Jesse tripped his ankle and pulled on the top of his bat that stuck out of his gear bag as Charlie fell forward, causing his shoulder to pull back painfully as he fell. His shoulders were still sore from being handcuffed and Danno taking him down.

“Ow, Fuck!” He rubbed his right shoulder and scrambled his feet again as fast as he could.

“Leave me alone, Jesse!”

“Go cry to your faggot dads.” Jesse sneered.

Later, when asked, he said he never made a choice. He only reacted. It was like he could only see swaths of black and red until he felt the warm ooze on his knuckles and then looked down to see Jesse slumped on the floor unconscious, blood pouring out his nose. For a brief moment, he remembered what Steve had said about waking the dark beast within, then all he could feel was regret and panic at what his dad’s were gonna do when the school called them.

The school security officer took him by the elbow, a feeling that was becoming shamefully familiar. He thought that he should care about what he’d done, but he only felt numb as he walked, carrying his gear bag and backpack on one shoulder, to the principal’s office.

The nurse had given him a Kleenex to wipe the blood on his hand, but his knuckles were still stained and he could feel the plasma on his skin. Mr. Morgan had put him in one of the conference rooms by himself. It was like they didn’t even want to talk to him or hear his side.

The door opened and Steve walked in, badge visible, hands tucked into his elbows.

“Where’s Danno?”

“He’s finding you a lawyer.” Charlie looked up, eyes wide.

Mr. Morgan came into the room. “Here’s a copy of the video feed, Commander.” He handed Steve a thumb-drive, which Steve put in his front pocket before reaching down and pulling his cuffs from the pocket on his thigh.

“Stand up. Turn around.” Charlie’s eyes darted from his dad to Mr. Morgan, but the look on Steve’s face told him he had to obey.

Steve pulled each of his hands back and held him by the thumbs and spoke quietly, “You couldn’t even go 48 hours, son. We’re both out of choices now.”

Charlie felt the cold steel on his wrists and his dad said louder, “Charles Williams, you are under arrest for assault. You have the right to remain silent...”

A buzzing in his ears blocked out the litany of the rest of his Miranda rights. He looked at the floor while Steve led him out of the school office, through a hallway filled with students and the front doors to the Silverado parked in the fire lane, blue lights still flashing in the grill. Once there, Steve blocked any view of him with his body as he unlocked one cuff, brought his hands around to the front and re-cuffed him, then helped him get into the truck and buckled the seat belt around him before closing the door.

They were on the highway to Iolani Palace when Steve asked, “What did he say to you? After you got up. What did he say?”

“I don’t wanna talk about it.”

“Charlie, I don’t give a shit what you want or don’t want. I’m driving your ass to be fingerprinted and booked right now! Answer the damn question!”

“He called you and Danno faggots.”

“That’s it?” Steve asked incredulously.

“Isn’t that enough?”

“No, man. No. I told you I don’t care what anyone calls me. And your dad and I sure as hell don’t want you throwing yourself to the wolves trying to defend us to some punk-ass high school bully.”

“What am I supposed to do? Huh?” Charlie yelled. “He slammed me into my locker, called me a pussy, tripped me...I told him to leave me alone and then...he said, ‘Go cry to your faggot dads’ and I just...snapped.”

“You’re so much like your dad, you know that? You took all the rocks and arrows when it was aimed at you, but someone throws spitballs at your family and you...” He shook his head. He understood it. He did. But this on the heels of this weekend was not gonna be easy to untangle.

5050505050

Charlie was under house arrest for the next week, having to wear a tracking device, while his attorney and the DA worked out the plea. He was pleading guilty to 12 traffic violations (they convinced the Captain to forgo the felony evading charge), lost his license until he was 18, and the assault charges were dropped because the video from the hallway camera showed Jesse pushing Charlie into his locker first. Jesse denied tripping him, claiming Charlie fell and he only grabbed the bat to try and catch him. The video wasn’t clear, so it was one boy’s word against the other. There had been a girl in the hallway who had heard what Jessie said about Steve and Danny and she told the principal what she’d heard, so the prosecutor decided to let the whole incident drop. The school, however, had expelled him due to their “no-tolerance” policy, so he was going to have to finish the semester on-line.

The final condition of the plea was that Charlie had to be with either one of his dads at all times for six months. If he was caught without them, he would finish out the six months at juvenile hall.

They set up a desk for him along the wall outside of Steve’s office with a monitor for him to plug in his laptop so he could do his on-line classes. The monitor wasn’t necessary because he could have worked with his laptop just fine, but this way everyone on Five-0 could see if he was working or not. He thought he’d be embarrassed at having to be baby-sat 24/7, but the team all acted like it was totally normal for him to be there.

Captain Grover would pull up a chair and talk to him about fly fishing. Tani showed him how to weave paracord lanyards and gave him a small, black pocketknife to attach to it when he finished. Junior would take him down to the work out room and spar with him, teaching him different defensive moves and some mixed martial arts. Most afternoons, his dads would come down and lift weights with him if they weren’t needing to be at a crime scene. He missed baseball, but he found that spending his days this way wasn’t all that bad.

Once school was out and he’d earned five A’s and one B through his on-line classes, his two best friends, Gabe and Aapo were allowed to come hang out at the office. Though school was out and he didn’t have Spanish, Steve told him he needed to work on a second language through a study app over the summer. He’d been allowed to pick, so he chose Hawaiian and that was how he spent his mornings. If Five-0 had a case that required both Steve and Danny on scene, like right now, they put the tracker on his ankle so everyone could monitor that he didn’t leave the Five-0 office.

His mom brought him lunch most days. They’d not talked about that night, though he had done the work to fix the wall. She didn’t bring it up and that was fine.

Since Charlie had only been four when he’d needed his bone marrow transplant, he had very limited memory of it. He knew Danno had been the donor because he was a closer match than his mom. With no memory of his parents together and Step Stan, who pretty much ignored him and his sister, Charlie had filled in the story of his family with his own narrative, having no idea that what he believed was the history and timeline of his parents marriage and divorce was all his own made up truths. Then last year, Grace made an off-handed comment about spending weekends at Danno’s apartment in Jersey and suddenly, none of his own story made sense to him. He’d called her late one night a few days later.

_“What’s up Little B?”_

_“When did mom and Stan get married?”_

_“Why are you asking that?” Grace obfuscated. Her parents had never acted like it was a secret, but she knew no one had ever straight up told Charlie about his baby years._

_“You said mom and dad were separated back in Jersey. I thought they divorced here in Hawai’i, when I was a baby.”_

_When she didn’t answer, he pushed, “Grace...”_

_“They divorced when I was 7. Mom married Stan and we moved here when I was 8. You were born when I was almost 10.”_

_“Is Danno my father?” Charlie’s gut clenched, afraid of the answer._

_“Yes, absolutely.”_

_“So he and mom...”_

_“Yeah. I was excited because I thought they were gonna get back together and we would be a family again. But that didn’t happen.”_

_“Why not?”_

_“Danno had to stay with Uncle Steve.”_

_Charlie was really confused now. “But they didn’t get together until I was 10. I remember it. And I remember him dating Melissa and...”_

_“I know. Charlie, sometimes things are complicated.”_

_He was starting to feel sick, and angry at Danno. “He and mom cheated on Stan and then he cheated on mom with Uncle Steve?”_

_She took in a deep breath. She wondered if she should tell him to call mom or Danno about this but her parents were surprisingly good at keeping secrets and she wasn’t sure they’d tell him the full truth. He was her baby brother. He deserved to know._

_“Mom and Danno had an affair on Stan, yes. And she got pregnant with you. She told Danno and we were all going to move back to New Jersey. But Uncle Steve got in trouble and Danno wouldn’t leave Hawai’i until it was resolved. But by then Mom felt that he wouldn’t ever leave Five-0. Mom told me she would always come after his work, which was why they divorced in the first place. Danno will tell you that he still would have gotten back with mom if she’d let him, but instead, she told him that you were actually Stan’s son, not his.”_

_“What the fuck?” Charlie had been pacing around his bedroom at Rachel’s while they talked and he sank to the floor._

_“Are you OK? Is this too much?”_

_“No. Yes. But I have to know.”_

_“Mom was still married to Stan, so if she was pregnant, you had to be Stan’s or he would know she’d slept with Danno. So she lied to both of them. But then you got sick. She was an OK donor but the match was such that they were sure your father would be a stronger match and therefore give you a better chance to recover. So she had to tell them.”_

_“So that’s why Stan hates me.”_

_“It’s why he hates all of us, Charlie. But he’s also a weasel who chose to take out his hurt on a little kid and none of that is your fault. And Danno, he stepped right in being your full-on dad. Made me a little jealous sometimes actually.”_

_“I’m sorry.”_

_“Do not be sorry for any of this. This is all parent drama that has nothing to do with us. And both mom and dad will tell you exactly that. They never told you because you had no real memory of a time when Danno wasn’t your father._

_“I think...Mom is ashamed of it and Danno...he can’t fully forgive her for shutting him out of those early years of your life. There’s nothing he loves more in the world than being our dad, and I’m not exaggerating.”_

_“Should I tell them that I know?” He felt heavy with a secret that wasn’t actually a secret._

_“I guess that’s up to you. If you have questions, I believe they’d answer you. But neither one of them ever talks about it, at least, not with me. I know what I know because I’ve pieced it together from bits of conversation with them, Uncle Steve, and Auntie Kono.”_

_“But you’re sure you’re right?”_

_“Yes, I’m sure. You gonna be OK? I know that was a lot.”_

“What are you working on Charlie?” His mom asked, breaking him from his memory, as she entered bearing lunch for both of them.

“Uh, my Hawaiian.”

“That’s nice. I brought chicken salad today.”

She pulled out the Tupperware containers from a small cooler.

“How is everything going?”

“Fine.” He picked up half a sandwich and started eating. He knew she wanted him to talk, for him to tell her everything was great, but his resentment of her had been building ever since that phone call with Grace, and then when she didn’t even fight for him to stay with her...

How could he tell her what she had cost him? If she’d let him, Danno would have stayed with her, being his dad from birth. They all would’ve been a family. And Uncle Steve and Danno wouldn’t have ended up together...

“What did you do yesterday afternoon?” Rachel asked, watching him.

“Nothing, Mom. The same nothing I do every day. I’m in this office for ten or twelve hours and then go home for the other twelve. I never get to see my friends.” He was exasperated but trying to stay in control.

“I thought Gabe and Aapo were allowed to come by now.”

“Yeah, that’s not the same. We don’t get to go surfing or hang out at the beach. I’m not getting to play summer league ball. I can’t even go see a movie.”

She tilted her head, eyes watery as she reached for his hand and said, “I’ll talk to Danny. You should be able to...”

He jerked his hand back. “No. It won’t do any good.”

It occurred to him now why his dads insisted he live with them. His mom would give in to what he wanted, even if it broke his plea deal. He hated all the rules and having no freedom or privacy, but it was keeping him out of juvie and that wasn’t nothing even if it sucked.

“I’m sorry, Mom. I think I’m just not very hungry. I’m gonna go to the workout room and run on the treadmill for a while. Thank-you for bringing me lunch.”

She nodded, struggling with how distant he’d become, how much he’d changed. She wanted her sweet boy back and was afraid he was gone. “Do you have any requests for lunch tomorrow?”

“Nah, whatever you bring is always fine.” He stood up. “See ya.” He kissed her on the cheek and headed for the back hall that led to the stairs that dead-ended at the work-out and interrogation rooms.

5050505050

He had his earbuds in, listening to music as he ran, sweat dripping down his face, so he didn’t hear his dad’s enter. They had both changed into gym shorts and were there to work out as well. He startled when he saw Danny suddenly beside him, waving the key to his ankle tracker. Charlie hit the kill switch on the treadmill, coming to a stop and set his foot on the bar so it could be taken off. He was thankful that they understood how much he despised having it on and only made him wear it when absolutely necessary.

“Thanks,” he said as he pulled his earbuds out and wrapped the cord around his phone. Being rather desperate for company nowadays, when any of the team were working out with him, he never had them in.

He was moving through resistance exercises on his shoulders, taking advantage of the fact that no baseball meant he wasn’t exhausting his arm from throwing and had time to build up muscle.

“Will you spot me on my dead lift, babe?” Danny asked Steve, who was doing curl-ups on a bar that hung from the ceiling.

Steve dropped and walked up behind his husband, kissing his neck. “You know I love to spot you.” And his thrust his hips just slightly against Danny’s ass.

“Oh my God, will you stop?” Charlie asked loudly. “Anyone could walk in here.”

Steve took a step back and turned, a quizzical look on his face, “No one comes in here but Five-0, Charlie.” Steve said before turning back. “You ready?”

“Yeah.” Danny had the bar and weights in his hands now, holding the bar at his thighs. Steve stood at his back in case he needed an assist. He curled the weight to his chest with a grunt, then lifted it above his head.

“There ya go!” Steve cheered him on.

Danny brought the bar back to his shoulders and then to the floor. He turned and gave Steve a high-five with both hands and said, “Hell yeah!”

Steve interlaced their fingers and pulled Danny’s hands around his waist, drawing him close. “That was seriously hot, babe.”

“Jesus!” Charlie shouted. “Do you have to...ugh!” He grabbed his water bottle and headed for the shower and bathroom that were at the back of the the work out space.

Steve looked at Danny. “What’s he so bent out shape about? We’re not doing anything he’s not see us do a thousand times before.”

“I don’t know, maybe it’s...he’s around us all the time now, so maybe it’s too much togetherness, y’know? We get on each other’s nerves sometimes too. Little things become big things, like a gnat buzzing your face.” Danny walked over to the quad machine and adjusted the weights for easier reps since today was arm day.

Steve kept looking over at the showers. “Maybe.” Danny could be completely right. They were now at the end of July, so they’d been his constant shadows for four months already. But something niggled at his brain; he just couldn’t quite put it together. He went to the sit up bench, partly because from there he could keep an eye on the showers and would know the instant Charlie came out.

When he did, Charlie sat by the door, knowing he needed to wait until one of them was done before he could leave.

“You go ahead.” Danny said, indicating that Steve should go shower before him.

Danny grabbed a towel and disinfectant spray bottle and began wiping down the benches and handles on the weight machines. “What’s going on in that brain of yours?” He asked.

“Nothing.”

Sometimes he wished he could strip that word from his son’s vocabulary. “Y’know, the best part of being an adult is knowing you never have to be a teenager again. I get that all this is very hard for you. But you’re surrounded by people who love you and are fighting for you. And we’ve lived through high school and survived. It’s ok to talk about what you’re dealing with, especially when it’s hard, because we can help.”

Charlie leaned his head against the wall. “I just don’t see why you two gotta be on each other all the time.”

Danny raised his eyebrows. “On each other?”

“Yeah. You’re always kissin’ and touching...it’s embarrassing.”

“OK, uh, well, he’s my husband and I love him and I don’t really care who knows that. But I gotta be honest, your dad and I aren’t doing anything we haven’t always done, so I can’t help feelin’ like it isn’t us who’s changed here. Why is this bothering you?”

His son gave a big sigh and said, “Forget it. It’s not important.”

“Charlie, look at me. What is going on?”

“I don’t know Danno! It just bugs me. I don’t have a reason. I don’t know why. It just does!” He banged his head lightly against the wall. Why did everyone have to push him so much? When would they just leave him alone?

“Alright. This is on you then. I love your dad and I will express that however I want. You don’t like it? Suck it up.” Danny stood as Steve walked towards them.

Sensing the tension in the air, he asked, “Everything OK?”

“No, but Mr. Brick Wall over there isn’t offering up, so...”

“Go take your shower. We’ll meet you upstairs.”

“Yeah, OK.”

Steve leaned in and kissed him. “It’ll be OK.” Danny nodded before heading off. Steve turned to Charlie.

“Alright, let’s go.”

“What, you’re not gonna take a turn at prying my feelings out?”

“You wanna talk about whatever’s got your balls in a knot?”

“No.”

“Great. Neither do I. Move.” Steve held the door open and motioned for Charlie to leave ahead of him.

5050505050

**Third Weekend of October, Homecoming**

His probation was finally over!

Not that the last two months had been easy. First week of August, he argued with Danno about having to mow the lawn and slammed his bedroom door, which had been leaning against the back wall of the garage ever since. He thought it had been bad not being able to close it, but it wasn’t until it was gone that he realized how much of a difference it made being able to mostly close his door versus a wide-open space entering his room.

After that, he settled in again. Mr. Morgan allowed him back for the start of his Junior year and he’d decided to run Cross Country as a way to train for Baseball season. He’d never looked forward to school starting so much before. Either Gabe or Aapo were in all his classes, some had all three of them, which made every class something look forward to. He was making some new friends on Cross Country, including Maya Kalakiko, who testified on his behalf about what she witnessed in the hall that day with Jesse. They had taken to running in the same group for practice and he liked talking with her. Things finally felt good. Normal.

With his probation ending, he’d asked his dads if he could take Maya to the homecoming game and then to the bonfire after. Since his license was gone, Maya would be driving, and they were OK with it as long as they met her first.

Charlie was pacing around the kitchen, watching out front for when her car would pull up. He didn’t know why he was nervous. She was, like, more perfect than Grace. Straight A’s in her honor’s classes, and everyone said she’d get made Captain of the girls Cross Country team next year.

But she was the first new person in his life to meet Danno and Steve. His best friends had been with him since elementary school, before Steve and Danno were even together...and this was harder for him somehow. Though it wasn’t like she didn’t already know about them. She’d seen them all together at the hearing, however none of them were allowed to talk to her so it didn’t look like they were interfering with a witness.

He saw her old, silver, Toyota Camry pull into the drive. “She’s here.” He called out and went to the front door.

Steve came in from the office and Danny stood up from the couch where he’d been watching TV. She had barely knocked when Charlie opened the door. She looked so cute, he couldn’t help smiling at her.

Maya was close to his height, long, dark brown hair, and amber eyes. She wore cut offs that made her long runner’s legs look longer and a Kukui High School T-shirt.

“Hey, Charlie,” she greeted him with a shy smile, then extended her hand to Danny who was closest. “I’m Maya. Mr.....?”

Danny shook her hand, grinning. “Williams, but please call me Danny. And this is my husband Steve.” Steve reached over and shook her hand.

“Go Nuts.” He said, waving a ‘hang-loose’ sign at her.

She laughed. “Charlie said you went to Kukui. Your name is still on some banners in the gym. What year did you graduate?”

“1995, but not from Kukui. My last two years I was at the Army/Navy Academy on the mainland.”

She raised her eyebrows. “Oh, wow. Huaka’i hele”

“It was, but I found my way home.” He leaned over and whispered to Danny, “She said, ‘long trip.’”

“I actually figured that out for myself, thanks.” He winked back. “So, game and bonfire?” Danny asked

“Uh, yeah.” Charlie spoke up. “We should be back by midnight.”

“You’ll be back by 10:30.” Danny held a tight smile.

Charlie felt his annoyance grow but Maya interjected, “Totally. My mom says I have to be back before 11:00, so no problem.” She nodded at both of them and Danny’s fondness for her jumped ten notches. She could be good for Charlie, if he managed to avoid catastrophe for more than fifteen minutes.

“Shall we?” Maya turned to Charlie.

“Yes, we should, now. Yeah.” He opened the door and followed her out and Steve closed the door.

“You nervous about this?” Steve asked.

“Like a cat in a room full of rocking chairs.” Danny responded, taking in a deep breath.

“Me too. On the other hand...” He wrapped his hands around Danny’s waist and pulled him close, “We are in this house by ourselves for the first time in six, long, months.”

Danny wrapped his arms around Steve’s neck, gently grinding his pelvis forward. “Been at sea long there, Sailor?”

Steve was hard in an instant and growled, meeting Danny’s every movement, rocking into him harder as he felt the fabric of his shirt slowly move up his back. “You have no fucking idea...”

“Oh, I think I do.” Danny pulled Steve’s shirt over his head and started sucking at his neck, hands everywhere at once.

Steve pulled Danny’s dress shirt out from his waist and scrunched it up in one fist, while he scrambled to undo the buckle in front.

Danny let go of his neck and panted, “You really want to do this in the entryway?” He felt a warm hand reach into his pants and envelop his cock in a firm, desperate, grip.

“Entry, kitchen, garage, stairwell....I have four and half hours to make you come in every room in this damn house.” Steve sunk to his knees and Danny leaned his back against the wall and blocked out all thoughts but the glorious, moist, heat and satin tongue swallowing him whole.

5050505050

They’d lost the game, which everyone knew would happen. Kukui hadn’t been good since before Charlie had been born, but he’d still yelled himself hoarse and loved every second of it. He, Maya, Gabe, and Aapo were sitting together by one of the 6 bonfires that went up the beach a few blocks from the stadium. They chatted about school and their upcoming cross country meet, which they had a much better chance of winning than the football team.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Jesse, Cade, and Taavi walking towards them. His body went stiff but he tried to keep cool. In the months since he’d last been in school, he’d bulked up a lot and Junior had taught him enough moves that he felt confident in his ability to hold his own in a fight. Still, three on one were terrible odds and he really didn’t want to look bad in front of Maya. She sensed his tension and saw the boys too. She shifted, and sat up straighter, staring right at them. He marveled at how unafraid she was. Made him want to be like her.

“‘Sup, Maya?” Cade asked. Charlie noticed that Jesse hung back, not interacting with any of them.

“Nothing much. What do you want, Cade?”

“We’re just saying hey.” He said casually. “You gonna play ball this year Charlie?”

“Plan to.” He said warily. Maybe they weren’t here to be assholes?

Taavi gave a smile. “Good. Without you as backup pitcher we got rousted last year. Now that Andrew’s graduated, we didn’t know if we were even gonna have a decent ball thrower this year.”

Charlie relaxed a bit and nodded at the box in Taavi’s hands. “What is that?”

He popped the lid. “My Auntie made cookies for us to take to the game. You want one?” He held them out. “Chocolate chip with macadamia nuts.”

“Sure.” Charlie took two and handed one to Maya but she shook her head. “I’m allergic to macadamias.”

Gabe and Aapo each took one as well. “Mahalo, man.” They both said.

Taavi nodded. “See y’all around.” He and Cade waved as they turned and walked to where Jesse was standing several yards away. Charlie felt his body relax.

“That wasn’t so bad.” Gabe said, munching his cookie.

“Yeah.” Charlie continued to watch them walk away as he finished off the second cookie he’d taken for Maya, still feeling uneasy.

Forty minutes later, Charlie, Gabe, and Aapo were in fits of hysterics and Maya was looking at him with bemusement, smiling but not laughing.

“C’mon.” He tickled her belly and held out his phone to show her the dancing monkey TikTok for the third time. “Don’t you think it’s funny.”

She smirked and said, “Not like you three do.”

“Play it again!” Gabe yelled, rolling into Aapo, knocking him back so they were both laying down in the sand.

“Just watch it.” He said to her, “This time you’re gonna howl.”

She patted his arm, “It’s OK. Clearly you have to be high to get the joke.”

He looked at her, his smile falling at that. “What do you mean?”

She looked into his eyes as though she was searching for something and said. “Yup, you’re all totally baked.”

Anxiety and fear crashed over him, his pulse racing. “What are you...?”

She ran her hand up and down his arm. “Those were pretty obviously pot cookies Taavi gave you.”

“No, no, no, no, no, no! Oh, God. I’m dead. I’m so fucking dead.” He shifted around but his body didn’t seem to want to do what he wanted it to.

Gabe and Aapo were now looking at the night sky, pointing up with their fingers, whispering, and giggling. Charlie grabbed her shoulders. “You don’t understand. They will literally kill me. Oh, my God!” He cried out.

“Hey, hey, calm down. Your dad’s seem cool. I’m sure both of them have gotten high before.”

Aapo still had his hand high above his head, and he pointed his finger at Charlie and made a noise like he was firing a gun. “No way, sistah. His dad’s are Five-0. Bruddah’s dog meat.” Then he rolled into Gabe and started barking, “woof, woof, woof” before being overtaken by another fit of hysterics.

Gabe half sat up. “I used to think it would be so cool to have a dad on Five-0, but now, man, that shit sucks. They don’t let you do aaaannnnyyyything.”

Charlie had his hands wrapped around his legs, rocking back and forth and Maya placed a comforting hand on his arm.

“I’m sure it’s not that bad. Marijuana’s legal in Hawai’i now.”

“Not when you’re 16!” He said, panic in his voice. He looked around like he expected to see Steve or Danno show up any moment.

She rubbed his back and took his hand. “OK. OK. Look, it’s only 9:30. By the time I get you home, you’ll probably be coming back down.

“You can’t take me home. You can’t.” She was starting to get worried now.

“I can’t leave you here.”

“Take me to my mom’s. She’ll let me stay...This will be gone by morning right?”

She nodded. “Should be.” She’d never gotten high herself, but she’d seen her uncles pass a blunt around and they always seemed fine the next day.

Looking at Gabe and Aapo, she said, “I should probably take all of you home. They’re in no condition to drive.”

“Sing it Sistah!” Aapo yelled and then howled, “Haaaawwwoooo!”

That made her laugh. “Ok boys, let’s go. Can you walk?”

She put her arm around Charlie, who was the most unsteady thanks to eating two cookies. Taavi had been a total dick to give them edibles and not tell them that’s what he was doing. She’d hated those three since 7th grade. If Charlie’s dads were as strict as they all said, she’d make sure to stop by his house tomorrow and let them know Charlie hadn’t taken weed knowingly.

She dropped his friends off at Gabe’s house first and then made the longer drive up the coast to where Rachel lived. She glanced at the clock. It was 10:15.

“You really should call your dads and tell them where you are.”

He shook his head fiercely. “No, no, bad idea. No, that’s not happening. Mom will be better.”

“If you say so.” She pulled in front of the house. “This it?”

“Yeah.” His eyes kept darting around, like he expected someone to jump them.

“OK.” She turned off the engine. “Let me walk you up.”

He looked at her, sadness on his face. “I wanted tonight to go better.” He touched his fingers to her cheek and pet her. “I like you.”

She smiled and placed her fingers over his. “I like you too Charlie. We’ll do this better next time.”

His brow furrowed. “If they ever let me out of the house again...”

Wanting to stop another spiral about his impending doom, she pulled back. “Let’s go say hi to mom!”

They were almost to the door when he turned to her. “Don’t come up. I don’t want you to get in trouble and I can tell my dads like you and I don’t want them to know you were involved and if my mom sees you she will tell Danno and then he will tell Steve...” he rambled.

“Stop.” She held up her hand. “It’s ok. You go to the door. I’ll wait in the car until she lets you in, OK?”

“Yeah, OK.” He patted her on the top of the head like she was a puppy and she laughed.

“You’re funny, Charlie Williams.”

He smiled at her, wishing she would look at him like that forever. He watched her walk all the way back to her car where she stopped and turned towards him. They stared at each other for a few moments until she pointed toward the door. His shoulders fell as he turned around and went to the door. He stood there, leaning his head on it, knocking, but not loudly.

“Mom? Mom?” He knocked louder. He knew it was late so he was afraid to knock louder, but he looked back and saw that Maya was still in her car so he pounded louder. “Mom! MOM!”

The door opened, “Charlie? What is it? What’s wrong?”

He collapsed into her. “I messed up again. Please don’t send me away. Please? Just let me sleep here?”

“Of course. What happened?” Rachel walked with him to the dinning table and helped him sit down. In the light she could see his eyes were bloodshot and his hands were shaking.

“Charlie, did you take something?”

“I didn’t mean to.” He started to cry.

“Oh, Charlie.” The disappointment in her voice made him fall to the table.

“Don’t tell Danno, please! I’m begging you, please.”

“I have to, Charlie. I’m sorry but I have to.”

“Why? Why do you have to?” He stood up, pacing around, arms still shaking. “You keep secrets! You didn’t even tell him I was his son for four years! Can’t you keep this one for a single day? One goddamn day?!”

She looked at him like he’d slapped her, stunned. Without a word, she stood up to head for her room where her phone was on the charger.

“Mom. Mom? Mom!” He was frantic now, following her. “No, mom. You can’t. I’m sorry. What do I have to do? Huh? Don’t call them! Mom!” She picked up her phone and he shouted, “NO!” He slapped the phone out of her hand causing it to fly under the bed.

Her eyes went wide and he saw the same look on her face she had when he’d punched the wall and he fisted his fingers in his hair.

“ARRGH!” He cried out and ran into the kitchen, where he kept pacing back and forth; his skin itching and every muscle firing. He heard her bedroom door close and lock. Looking around frantically, he caught his reflection in the glass doors of the kitchen cabinets.

He looked like hell. He felt like hell. He slumped to the floor, wishing it would open up and take him to hell.

5050505050

2245\. They were both up, waiting. They knew something was wrong, but Charlie wasn’t answering his phone. The tracker app on his phone wasn’t picking him up, so either his phone was off or the battery had died. Steve really hoped it was the second one. The other wasn’t excusable. He was also regretting not getting Maya’s cell number before they left.

Danny’s phone rang and Rachel’s name came up. They looked at one another. Danny handed his phone to Steve. “I can’t.”

Danny sat, his head in his hands.

“Hey Rachel.” Steve answered.

“Steve, where’s Danny?” She sounded upset.

“He’s right here. What’s wrong.”

“Charlie’s here. I’m pretty sure he’s on something. He was begging me not to call and when I tried to pick up the phone, he knocked it out of my hand.” Steve could hear the shaking in her voice and he closed his eyes, praying he’d not hurt her.

“Are you OK? Where is he now? Are you safe?”

“Oh, God.” Danny said from just hearing Steve’s side of the conversation. Danny stood and began to gather his keys and wallet, but Steve put an arm on him, stilling him.

“Yes. I’m in my room. I think he’s in the kitchen. Steve, I’m not really afraid for me. I’m afraid of what he will do to himself. Should I call 911?”

“No, that’s gonna be really bad. We need to handle this. We are too far away but Junior and Tani are staying with her mom right now. She just had surgery and they are helping her. Her mom’s only a few blocks from you. I’m gonna call one of them to get him and bring him home. OK?”

“OK. Can I please talk to Danny?”

“Yeah.” Steve handed the phone over and he pulled out his own cell. “I’m calling Junior.”

“Rachel.”

“Danny, he knows. About his first few years. He said...”

“Not important right now.” Danny kept his voice even because talking about **that** was the very last thing he wanted to do tonight. “Tell me the truth. Are you OK? Did he hurt you?”

“No. I’m fine. He hit the phone not me. And that scared him. He ran from the room right after.”

He felt Steve’s hand at his back. “Junior will be there in 3 minutes.”

“Rachel, Junior will be there in just a couple minutes. Is the front door unlocked?”

“I, uh, I don’t know.”

“Ok, listen for him and go let him in, alright? He’ll bring Charlie back”

“Danny...why has this gone so wrong?”

“I don’t know.” Though he couldn’t help but feel that she’d cursed them all from the beginning of the poor kid’s life. Saying so wasn’t going to do any good, so he said nothing.

“I think I hear a car.”

“OK, stay on the line with me until he’s in the house.”

“OK”

Danny listened until he heard Junior’s voice in the background and he hit the end call button. He didn’t want to talk to her anymore.

5050505050

Junior found Charlie sitting on the floor in the kitchen, slapping the back of his hands on the tiles. He squatted down next to him.

“Heard you’re having a night, brah.”

Charlie looked up, eyes wide, and he held his wrists out straight. “You here to arrest me?”

Junior couldn’t help but smile. “Believe it or not, being high isn’t against the law. But I am here to take you back home.”

Charlie shook his head. “No, no. Home is death. Death is home. Deome. Hoath?”

Junior kept smiling at the poor kid. “What’d you take?”

“Cookies.”

“Try again.”

“Cookies.” He put his fingers together in an “O”. “Round, chewy things. With chocolate. And nuts. And...” he wiggled his fingers in the air. “and weed, apparently.”

Jun really wanted to laugh now but held it in. “Got it. How many did you have? Did you know there was weed in the cookies when you ate them?”

“No, and I had...” He looked at his fingers, holding up two. “This many.”

He dropped his arms to the floor again, expelling a sigh. “But that won’t matter. Still dead.” He held a finger to his head and made like he was firing a gun and his head recoiled as if he’d shot himself.

Junior took hold of his hand and held it. “Listen to me, brah. No one’s dying tonight. OK. You’re baked and that’s not a great thing, but it’s not the end of the world either, you hear me? You’re gonna be just fine. But I need to get you home and I want you to go easy, alright?”

“I want my bed.” Charlie slumped.

“OK bud, lets get you there. Come on.” Junior stood and pulled him off the floor.

5050505050

It took all three of them to get Charlie upstairs and into bed. Junior filled them in on what he’d taken and that he said he didn’t know there was weed in the cookies. They both thanked him profusely and saw him out.

“How did he end up at Rachel’s though?” Danny asked as he collapsed on the couch.

“No idea. But he’s home, he’s safe, and doesn’t seem to to have committed any felonies, so I feel like that’s a win somehow.”

“Do you think it was the girl?” Danny asked.

“She doesn’t seem the type. I hope she got home OK.”

“Me too. Next person he dates, we trade phone numbers first thing.”

“Yes.” Steve nodded.

Danny wove his fingers into Steve’s. “I’m so sorry the night ended this way. It was pretty fucking great until Spicoli up there showed up.”

Steve chuckled. “It was. I don’t know Danny. Maybe he needs more than we can give him?”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m not certain. Let me sleep on it and see how things look in the morning.”

Danny tilted his head. “I’m suddenly not tired.”

Steve shook his head. “But I am and I’d rather not say anything while my brain is sleepy and orgasmed out.”

Danny smiled and nodded at him. “Orgasmed out. I like that.”

Steve crawled over so he was on top of his husband, kissing his ear. “I know you do.”

5050505050

Danny woke up at 0800 and went to go check on Charlie, who was still sound asleep. He checked his pulse, just to make sure it wasn’t going too fast. It was steady, so he left him.

About an hour later, Steve came down to swim and Danny heard a soft knock on the door. He was surprised and relieved to see Maya standing there.

“Hi, Mr. Williams. I know it’s early but I wanted to make sure Charlie got home OK.”

“Uh, yeah. He’s upstairs still sleeping. How about you? You got home OK?”

“Yes. I’m allergic to nuts so I didn’t eat the cookies. Look, Taavi, Cade, and Jesse are just jerks OK. They never told us what was in the cookies. I think they wanted Charlie to get busted.”

“So, you didn’t get high? Can you tell me how he ended up at his moms?”

“I wanted to bring him here but he kept saying that he couldn’t come home because you’d kill him. He only wanted to go to his mom’s. I tried to get him to call you so you would know where he was but he wouldn’t. I almost...I almost came by last night to tell you where he was, but it was late and I...”

“You thought he might be right?” Danny said, looking at her.

“I know you’re a police officer. And Gabe and Aapo said you guys are super strict...And he was really scared.”

“Well, he’s not dead. Grounded again, yes. But we would never hurt him. Do you believe me?”

She nodded. “Will you ask him to call me later?”

“Yeah. And thank-you, for looking after him. You’re a class act.”

She turned and took a step to go, but then turned back. “Mr. Williams?”

“Danny, please.”

“Ok. Um, my mom’s always told me that if I ever mess up, no matter how big, that she doesn’t want me to think, ‘Oh, God, Mom will kill me.’ She wants me to think, ‘Oh, God, I need Mom.”

He looked at her for a moment, taking that in. “Sounds like you have a pretty good mom.” She nodded and left.

5050505050

Danny walked into the kitchen and found Charlie sitting on the counter eating out of a bag of Chips Ahoy.

“Didn’t you get enough cookies last night?” He said, arms crossed, leaning against a counter.

Charlie looked at him guiltily. “I had two yogurts first.” He said, his mouth thick with food.

Danny reached over and gently took the cookie bag from him. “How about some scrambled eggs, sausage, and potatoes?”

His son’s eyes got huge, “God, yes!”

“Ok, sit.” Danny put a glass of water in front of him first and started pulling ingredients out.

“Maya was just here.”

“Is she OK?”

“Yes, she is. And before this day is over, you’re gonna get your first lesson in how to send flowers. You owe that girl big time. Your mom too.”

“OK.” He downed his glass of water and went to get more. “Did she tell you what happened?”

“Your mom or Maya?”

“Both, I guess.”

“Yes. But Steve’s still swimming and breakfast isn’t ready. How about you run take a quick shower and by the time you’re done, the food will be too.”

Twenty minutes later, Charlie came into the kitchen at the same time as Steve came in the back door from his swim. Danny was spooning the egg, sausage, and potato hash into a bowl. The kitchen table was already set and bottles of ketchup and hot sauce were out too.

Charlie watched as Steve wrapped his arm around Danno’s waist and kissed him. “Smells amazing, babe.”

They kissed a couple more times and Danny said, “Go shower real quick, you’re getting me all wet.”

Steve pulled him close, “I like you wet.” They touched foreheads as Charlie cleared his throat loudly. Without letting go of his husband, Steve looked over. “How are you feeling?”

Charlie looked away and sat quickly at his spot. “I’m fine.” He kept his eyes down and focused on spooning himself food.

Steve and Danny looked at each other and Steve said, “Well, don’t wait on my account.” He looked back at Danny, silently conversing, _There it is again._

_I know. Do we talk about it?_

With a shrug of his shoulders and one more kiss, he said aloud, “I’ll be back in a flash.”

He returned to a heavy silence in the room. Danny had finished and was sitting back drinking a cup of coffee, watching Charlie but trying to not look like he was watching him. Charlie was still eating.

“You save me any?” Steve asked sitting down. Charlie motioned to the pan as if to say, “Obviously.”

Danny leaned forward. “OK, now that we’re all here, let’s talk about last night.”

Charlie kept looking at his plate and said nothing. Danny continued. “Great. Since it appears that you getting baked like a potato was not actually your choice, I don’t think we need to say anything more about that.”

“Seriously?” Charlie stopped chewing and looked up, glancing back and forth between his dads.

“You wanna go get stoned again?” Danny asked.

“Very much no.” Charlie said, picking up his water glass and chugging.

“Then there’s nothing more to say. You got a rough lesson in not taking food or drink from someone you don’t know or trust and you can thank whatever deity you wish that you had actual friends to look after you, but its over. What’s not over is you refusing to come home and what happened with your mom.”

“Rachel first.” Steve said.

Danny gave him a nod and asked, “How long have you known about what happened when you were a baby?”

“Little over a year. Grace made a comment that caused me to question the timing of things I’d always thought were true, so I asked about it.”

“And how do you feel about it?” Danny asked, leaning forward.

“I don’t know.”

Steve place a hand on his arm. “Charlie, when I was your age, my mom died and my dad sent me away to a military school on the mainland. Almost 20 years later, I learned my mom had not died at all and my dad had sent me away because he thought the man who tried to kill my mom was going to kill me and my sister.” Charlie’s eyes were huge. This was the first he was hearing about any of this.

“It sucked. I was angry at 16, that all that was going on and no one told me. Part of me is still angry. I believe you do know what you are feeling. And I believe it’s crushing you under a weight you don’t even know you’re carrying. It’s time to let go.”

The teen’s voice cracked and he looked at Danny. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“I can take it, son. I promise you. Whatever you say, I’m not going anywhere..”

He took a breath. “Yeah, Uncle Steve, I am angry. Even saying that seems too light. To start with, mom cheated on her husband with you.” He looked at Danno.

“I know you were with her first, but if you still wanted to be together, why get a divorce in the first place? Why make Grace go through that?”

He didn't want to cry but he could feel his eyes sting as he looked at Danny. “I thought you both were good people. Good people don’t cheat.” He angrily wiped a tear that he couldn’t keep from falling.

“Then, Grace said you were all gonna be a family again. Because of me, you were going to go back to Jersey and things would be as they should be. But then you didn’t. You chose him instead.” He couldn’t look at Steve, but they all knew what he was saying.

Everything was pouring out now and he couldn’t stop it anymore. Tears were falling down every cheek at the table. “Grace said Uncle Steve was in trouble. But what kind of trouble could he possibly get in that was so bad you’d abandon us?”

He looked at Steve now. “Did you ask him to stay? Did you know what you were costing Grace? What you would cost me? Did you even care?” He didn’t wait for an answer before refocusing back on Danny.

“Yes, mom lied. And that was bad too. But she had to lie because you didn’t choose us! You chose your new ohana over the family you already had. And I know that as soon as you learned I was yours, you have been a great dad to me...and...and you have loved me and taken care of me. And before all this, I loved that you were my dads and that you love each other...that made me feel safe because Mom and Stan...he was so _mean_ to me and I never knew why...”

He paused because his words were chocking on his sobs now but he had get through this.

“I never cared that you were gay. I never cared before. But now... now when I see you together, all I can see is that me, Grace, Mom...all of us... are disposable as long as you have him.”

Danny rocked back like he’d been punched. Charlie put his head on the table, shoulders’ heaving, exhausted. Steve shifted his chair and pulled the boy into a hug. Charlie wrapped his arms around him and cried into his neck while Steve lightly rubbed his back. He held him tight and spoke softly into his ear.

“I was in jail. The night your dad was supposed to leave with your mom, I got arrested for murder. That’s the trouble I was in. Your dad, he knew I hadn’t done it and he was the only one who was in a position to help me prove it. I spent four months in lock-up, which is why I was willing to do anything to keep you out of jail. I never asked him to stay, but I will always be grateful he did. And I’ve never asked or wanted him to put me above you and Gracie. Ever. And here’s the thing I want you to really hear, OK?” Steve pulled back and cupped his face.

“I love you. You are my son and I will fight to the death anyone who says otherwise. I saw you the day you were born and you were perfect. Danno helped deliver you, did you know that? We both loved you from the moment you drew breath. Didn’t matter whose genes you carried, you were part of your mom and Gracie and that meant you were part of us. And yes, we fucked this up and you have every right to your anger, resentment, and disappointment in us. And I mean us, because none of us can claim high ground here. Not me, not Danno or your mom, not Stan. All of us let you down in some way and that was wrong. But Charlie, I don’t ever want you to doubt that we will fight any battle, sacrifice our lives, body and soul, to love you and keep you safe. Don’t ever doubt it.”

Charlie felt a hand on his back. “Will you walk out to the beach with me?” Danny asked. Charlie nodded and stood up. Steve wiped his tears with his hand and distracted himself by cleaning the kitchen as they walked out.

They sat in the warm sand side by side, watching the surf.

“I have regrets in my life, but only a couple where I’m so ashamed I don’t talk about them. One of those is what happened with you. I knew you were mine. Your mom said one thing but I knew, deep in my soul, I knew. And I could have pushed it; made her get a paternity test. I thought about it. But I didn’t. Because I also knew your mom and I were not good together. I love her. I’m even still attracted to her. Steve gets jealous sometimes, because he knows that’s true. But your mom and I, we damage one another. I don’t know why. I could never figure out how to fix it. But I knew that with the same certainty I knew I was your dad.

“So... I accepted the lie. I believed it would give you and Grace more security...more stability. Not only because Stan had more money than me, but because I knew that there was a very real chance I would not come home one day. There have been many days, I almost didn’t. And if I was gone, I wanted you to have the best life possible.

“The day your mom admitted what I already knew, it gave me free-reign to blame her for everything going wrong. I wanted to cut her out my life and never look back. But Steve, well, he reminded me that I couldn’t do that without hurting you and Grace even more than we already had. He was right, as he usually is. Don’t...don’t tell him I said that.

“The two things I insisted on was that your name be changed and that I had the same visitation plan I had with Grace because I was not going to miss another minute of being your dad.” He wrapped an arm around his son, pulling him close.

“I’m sorry. I know it’s not enough.”

Charlie turned into the hug and whispered, “It’s enough.”

5050505050

When they came in from the beach, they could hear a pounding coming from upstairs. The both jogged up to see Steve rehanging the door on Charlie’s room. He smiled, “Privacy!” He hugged Danno.

“You and me both kiddo.” Danny said. “We’re gonna go surf, Steve, if you wanna come once you’re done playing Mr. Fix-It.”

Steve nodded. “Sounds good.” Danny left to go change.

“Charlie, I’ve been thinking and I want to offer you something.” Steve glanced down the hall, preferring that his husband not overhear him.

“Those two years I spent at the academy, they were good for me. I hated that my dad sent me there at first. There’s rules and discipline, but there’s also this feeling of knowing that at the end of the day, you’re accountable to no one but yourself. There’s a freedom that gives you to become who you want to be, not what others expect of you. I would never tell you to go because I love having you here. I just want you to know it is an option for you, if you’d like it.”

“Ok. I’ll think about it.”

5050505050

“What fucking level of derangement were you on when you decided telling him that was a good idea?!” Danny yelled.

“Will you lower your voice? He will hear you.”

“I don’t give a shit if he does Steven! I want him to know exactly how fucked up an idea this is.”

“It’s not and he wants to go.”

“Because he’s had a miserable year and you’ve convinced him he can just run away from all of it.”

“That is not at all what I told him and you have no idea that he’s actually running towards something.”

“Oh really? Then why did you make him that offer without TALKING TO ME ABOUT IT FIRST! That is what we do. Every step of the way here you and I got on the same page and then we acted. But you left me out of this and you had NO RIGHT!”

“I didn’t talk to you first because of exactly this. This right now. Because I knew this is what you would do and if he wasn’t interested, then it wasn’t worth the fight!”

“You’re damn right we were gonna fight! I don’t want him 3,000 miles away on the mainland. I want him here, where he should be. With his FAMILY. Why are you so willing to let him go? Huh? Are you that horny that you’ll ship him off so it’s easier to fuck?”

“HEY! You don’t get to talk to me like that! We’ve talked about this. You wanna argue, fine, argue the points. But you don’t get to insult me because you’re angry. It’s dirty pool and I won’t stand for it!”

Danny stood there and seethed for several minutes then said, “I don’t want him to go.”

“I don’t want him to go either. I don’t. I’ve loved having him here full time and it breaks my heart to think of him leaving, but I am looking past that because it will be good for him and it’s what he wants.”

“How do you know it will be good for him? Just because it was good for you doesn’t mean it will be for him.”

“I know because of how he was during his probation. Danny, he thrived under the structure. He had the best grades he’s ever had. He got in the best shape he’s ever been in. He gained confidence and bearing. It wasn’t without hiccups but he was also the most emotionally grounded and stable he’s been in two years. He talked to us, not just about stuff we dragged out of him but about things he’s interested it... stuff he read... we laughed. I feel like I know more about him now than I have in most of the past 16 and half years.”

“Exactly! That’s why I don’t want him to leave, Steve. I...I can’t lose all that.”

“Danny, he researched it all on his own. He called the Academy to learn about the application process, tuition, if he could do work-study to off-set the cost, the curriculum. He put in the work to learn what he’d need to do to transfer mid-term. He even called the Governor for a letter of recommendation, all on his own. He asked me about none of it. All I said was that it could be an option if he wanted to think about it. He now has a fully complete application, including the application fee that he’s paying himself. The only thing left is it needs yours and Rachel’s signature. All of it was him.”

“If you thought I was a tough-sell, wait until his mom hears about this.”

“I’m happy to talk to her.”

“No, that will for sure make it worse. When do we need to have this done by?”

“The first quarter ends next week. Because I’m an alum, they’ve agreed to fast-track his application process so he can start when the second quarter starts the week after. He’ll have to make up the first quarter work on his own or settle for just passing his first semester with the second quarter work.”

“Two weeks? He’s leaving in two weeks?” Danny sat on the bed.

Steve knew this would be the hardest part, so he knelt before Danny to say it. “First year students, regardless of what year they start, don’t get to come home for Christmas and Easter. It’s important for them to be secure in the structure before they go back home. So he can’t come back until June.”

Danny sucked in a breath, trying not to cry. “I...I can’t...”

Steve clasped Danny’s hands. “We still get to write and email him. He is allowed to call or video chat every Sunday for as along as he wants to anyone he wants. And it is still just a boarding school, so if he hates it and wants to come home, he comes home.”

“He’s not going to hate it,” his voice pained, knowing the truth and wishing he didn’t.

“Probably not.”

There was a soft knock on their bedroom door. “Come in, ya hooligan!” Danny called, wiping the wet from his eyes.

Charlie came in with his application packet and a pen and walked to over and handed it to Danny.

“You been out there spying the whole time?”

“Not the whole time.” He looked a bit pensive.

“Yeah, well Natasha Romanov you ain’t.” He said as he signed and dated over the line where Charlie had already typed his name out and handed it back.

His son grinned at him, “Not yet anyway.”

“Hey, if they teach you how to do that thing...where she flips and takes down some sap with her thighs, you share that shit.”

“I promise. I want to go with you to Mom’s. This is my decision and I don’t want her to blame you or Dad. Ok?”

“I’m gonna stick around here and learn how to knit.” Steve offered with a hint of sarcasm.

“Maya says knitting is very meditative. She told me she bought a “Learn to Knit” kit for me to take on the plane.”

“That girl is a whole pile of special, kiddo.”

“She is. But... we are just gonna be friends. I told her I was gonna be gone a long time and she wants to be able to go out, see...people...and that’s fair...I guess. But she said she will write me and stuff.”

He had been disappointed that she wasn’t willing to wait for him while he was away. He was heading to an all-boys school, so not like he was going to be meeting anyone else. But he didn’t feel he could ask that of her, so it was what it was.

5050505050

**The Following June**

Rachel, Danny, and Steve had flown to LA for the final week at the Academy, which included the Senior Class Graduation, Underclass Awards Ceremonies, a formal dance and other festivities. Steve and Danny had their respective dress uniforms for the formal occasions and Danny had never known that one of the tiny rectangles on Steve’s uniform marked him as an alumni of the Army/Navy Academy, so Steve got lots of attention at the big events, which Charlie ate up, beaming with pride.

They had lots to be proud of for him too. He had made the Admiral’s list for the second semester, qualified as a first-level marksman, and was going to be one of three co-captains for the baseball team his senior year.

When they first arrived, he’d introduced them to Andy Wakefield, a tall, red-headed boy in his year from Oregon. Andy’s dad was a cop and his mom was a firefighter. Charlie said they didn’t have much else in common; Andy did crew and he baseball, they focused on different specialties, with Charlie deciding on languages and Andy tech. But he said they bonded in the dorm right away because they seemed to understand one another. Lots of the boys came from either wealth or ranking military families. They ended up spending a lot of time with Andy’s parents over the week and they had all become friends too.

They’d been back four days and Charlie had previously decided he’d stay with Rachel for three weeks before coming to live with them for the rest of the summer. They were up late watching TV, which Danny was heaving big sighs through. Steve turned and straddled Danny’s lap, knees on the couch.

“I can’t watch the show now, Steven.” Danny complained.

“You weren’t watching anyway.” Steve said as he made slow, gentle movements that he knew would get Danny revving and unbuttoned his shirt slowly.

“Because you’re distracting me.” Danny slid his hands up the legs of Steve’s shorts then looked at his husband with narrowing eyes.

“Commander McGarrett, how long have you been going commando this evening?” He asked as his fingers encountered nothing but a tight ass and hard cock.

“About time you noticed.” Steve unbuttoned his shirt all way now and was playing his fingers across Danny’s chest and abs, never relenting with the agonizingly patient thrusts across Danny’s groin.

“Are you accusing me of neglecting you, babe?” Danny kept moving his fingers up and down inside Steve’s shorts, never staying in one place too long.

“More like teasing.”

Danny pulled his hands out so he could fondle Steve more fully through the tenting fabric of his shorts. “You like it when I tease you.”

Steve nodded his head but said, “No I don’t.”

“Grab my gun bag, babe. It’s by the end table.” Steve leaned over, balancing on the arm of the couch as he stretched to reach the bag off the floor and lift it next to them. Danny reached in side and unzipped an interior side pocket and pulled out a small tube of lube.

“You keep lube in your gun bag?” Steve was surprised.

“Babe, I’ve learned to keep a stash of lube pretty much everywhere because it turns out...you are a randy motherfucker.” He pulled on the fabric of Steve’s shorts. “Take ‘em off.”

Steve stood and did as ordered while Danny worked his slacks open and lubed himself up. He realized Steve was just standing there, watching, so he kept moving his hand slow and said, “You wanna stand there all night or what?”

“You’re just so...”

Danny smiled at him. “Now who’s teasing”

“Still pretty sure it’s you.” Steve licked his lips and panted slightly.

“Only one holding you back is you.”

Steve stepped forward, putting a knee on either side of Danny’s hips and groaned as he sank down slow, until every last inch was inside. He looked down, eyelids heavy with lust. “I love that so much.” He leaned down and licked Danny’s ear and his husband growled.

“You better start moving or I’ll...”

“You’ll what?” Steve taunted. And Danny slapped his ass hard enough Steve flinched forward but started to raise up on his knees, pulling off and back down again.

“Bossy.”

“Yup.” Danny agreed as he grabbed Steve’s hips tight with his fingers and lifted him, setting the pace Danny wanted, tired of Steve playing around, thrusting his groin up with each pull down.

Steve balanced his hands on Danny’s shoulders, pleasure keening out of him with every stroke against that magic spot inside.

Now that Steve was moving at the pace he wanted, Danny poured more lube in his hand and tended the needs of his partner as his own climax built. Steve came and shuddered, slowing, but Danny grabbed his hips and pounded up harder and faster against the now over-sensitive gland inside until Steve didn’t think he could take it anymore.

“Danny!”

With strong arms, his husband turned and laid him on his back, lifting one leg over his shoulder so he could drive into him with relentless pressure. Steve grabbed frantically at the side and back of the couch, desperate for something to hold onto as his body flooded with sensation, knowing his partner was still not even close to done.

Shoving one hand up under Steve’s shirt, he kneaded and pinched at his pectoral as the steady pace sent Danny climbing higher and higher, chasing...

“Fuck, Danny, Oh, my God.” Steve felt the shivering explosion rip through his pelvis and matched Danny’s movement as they rode out his orgasm until he stilled, but stayed inside him.

Steve’s body went limp and Danny lowered Steve’s leg but stayed fully seated, knowing Steve would feel his fullness for a while because he didn’t go down quickly. He planted soft kisses against any visible spot of skin as Steve squirmed underneath him.

“I’m gonna still feel you tomorrow.” Steve said lazily.

“You mess with the bull, you get the horns, babe.”

“I love your horns,” and he flexed the web of internal muscles currently sheathing Danny, making him groan.

“You keep doing that and you really will be sore tomorrow.”

“Promise?” Steve’s eyes sparkled.

Danny started thrusting again and his partner wiggled uncomfortably from the raw soreness, remembering why tormenting Danny was seldom a good idea...and yet...

Sitting up and grabbing the lube from behind him, Danny drizzled it on himself as he kept sliding in and out. “You started this.”

“Because I love it and hate it at the same time.” He whined as he wiggled and shifted, but every position held both pressure and oversensitive electricity as Danny’s hips moved, unhurried yet unrelenting.

“You’re an enigma.”

Steve was panting hard now, every muscle twitching. He couldn’t stop moving. This wasn’t working towards a climax; this was neurons firing in his brain over and over from the insatiable need that came with the fullness and drag inside him. And the longer it went on, the more he craved it, as though the only path to joy was having Danny right there, always.

Watching Steve reach that point of abandonment was the most treasured thing they did together. It wasn’t something ordinary like an orgasm. It was a _joining_ , and he’d never experienced it with anyone other than his husband.

“You ready?” Danny asked.

“I...Not yet.” He knew what was coming and he wanted it but it would take a lot out of him so he needed catch his breath, but the pressure kept driving and he couldn’t think.

“We won’t go until you say so, but you’re not getting out of it. You know that.” It wasn’t a threat. Steve knowing there was no way out was part of his craving.

“Don’t want out of it, just, uh...” Steve took in several deep breaths flooding his brain with oxygen because he knew that when he gave the word, Danny would go hard, fast, and deep until he came, which would not happen quickly. By the end, Steve would be floating away in his head, which is where he desperately wanted to be. He took one more breath. “OK.”

Danny let loose his punishing pace as Steve gave a constant staccato groan, his head rolling to one side as every thought he could ever think went away and it was all just blues turning to purple and then pink and back again.

Sweat covered his back, chest, and arms as Danny studied Steve carefully while he pounded into him, holding himself back so he didn’t come before his lover hit that moment when Steve’s eyes were glazed and heavy. “There it is, baby, let go. I got you. You’re mine. Always mine.”

The words echoed in Steve’s ears and triggered something within in him: safety... security...love. He moaned low as Danny came and collapsed over him, both too spent to move.

5050505050

Two weeks later, Charlie had texted Danny to ask if he could come over and see them that evening, saying it could be as late as 2130. Seemed like an odd time, but they would be up so he’d said it was no problem.

“What do you think is going on?” Danny asked as they sat on the couch, Steve channel-surfing like usual.

“Why does something have to be going on?”

“Because it’s odd and you can’t sit there and tell me you don’t think it isn’t. He’s coming to stay in four days, so whatever it is can’t wait until then. But he didn’t want to have dinner or hang out. He’s coming over _after_ the time when you’d have dinner or hang out.”

Steve looked over at him. “You’d make a great detective, you know that? Really. It might be your calling.”

“Shaddup.”

“Danny, we are not going to know until we know so what good does all this worrying do?

“It’s called contingency planning. It’s called being prepared. It’s called imagining the worst possible thing and then when the thing isn’t so bad, you get to be relieved instead of panicking.”

“There is something very not normal about you.” Steve said as there was a knock on the door.

“It’s open!”

Charlie came in. “You leave this thing unlocked? Do you know what goes on out there?”

Danny eyed him over and he looked good. Jeans, a royal blue Henley top that stretched tight against his broadening shoulders, sleeves pulled up slightly to show muscular forearms.

“Damn, son. You clean up good.” Danny said.

“Thanks.” He sat in the leather chair across from them.

“Were you on a date?” Steve asked.

“Uh, yeah.”

“With Maya?” Danny said her name in a school-yard, sing-song way.

Charlie blushed. “Yeah.

“Was it an OK date? It’s barely after nine.” Steve asked.

“Yeah, it was great. I’ve actually been with her all day, because she has to work the early shift at Kroger tomorrow, so we went for a hike and then dinner at Kamekona’s. She just dropped me off.”

Though it was tedious, but he tried to not complain about having to find rides with people because he’d come to accept the suspension of his license as a reasonable consequence to what he’d done. Owning his mistakes had become an important part of how he saw himself in the last year.

“You took her to dinner at a shrimp truck?” Danny asked incredulously.

Charlie shrugged. “Yeah. Uncle was thrilled I brought a date and he comped our drinks...gave us free malsadas for dessert. I’m not an idiot.”

“That’s it, Steve. We have failed as fathers. Utterly failed to teach him the proper things in life.”

“Don’t pay any attention to him; the Tooth Fairy only left him dryer lint under his pillow.”

“That sounds like someone volunteering for laundry duty for a month, right there.” Danny retorted.

Charlie laughed. “God, I’ve missed this.”

“We’ve missed you, pal.” Steve answered, “And please don’t take this the wrong way, but Danno’s been futzy all night about why you wanted to talk so you might want to get right to that.”

“Futzy? What the hell is that? Futzy? I have not been futzy!”

“That, what you just did right there. Futzy.”

The looks going back and forth between his dads made him laugh harder. “You are kinda futzy, Danno. I don’t know what it means, but it describes you perfectly.”

“All right, stop. You’re not 18 yet. Legally, I can still sell you to the hyenas.”

Steve looked at him puzzled, “There are no hyenas in Hawai’i, Danny.”

“Not real ones, the stupid ones in the...the...the movie...Whoopi, Cheech, and the dumb one...you know...the LION KING!” he said triumphantly. Steve rolled his eyes.

“Oh. My. GOD!” Charlie almost fell over. He could not wait to be back here every night. He loved his mom, but his dads were next-level.

“Fine. You both are on super-secret probation now. I am done with you.” Danny groused.

Steve laid his arm across Danny’s shoulders, “And what do I need to do to get off of super-secret probation?”

“It’s a secret, that’s the point. When you’ve pleased me enough, I will let you know.”

“Challenge accepted.”

“Alright kiddo, spill it.” Danny sagged against Steve’s side out of habit.

“Well, thank you for the laughter because, this is actually hard to talk about. And I wanted to do it tonight because I’ve just spent all day with Maya, so it seemed like a perfect time because I’d be sure...”

“No.” Danny interrupted.

Giving a confused look, Charlie asked, “No, what?”

“No you shouldn’t have sex with her.”

“Danny!” Steve was incredulous.

“Woah, wasn’t asking that.” Charlie had his hands up. “I’m not...that’s not even...well...it’s not totally unrelated...Shit.” He was really nervous and this was not helping.

“Um. Danno...I’m gonna need you to just listen and not interrupt me for a bit. OK?”

Danny nodded. “Yes, sorry.”

“If he tries to talk, I’m covering his mouth.” Steve told him.

They watched as Charlie wrung his hands together and waited.

“OK, so Maya and I, we Face Time’d pretty much every Sunday while I was gone, yeah? And I loved it. Then today we went on the hike and she’s so pretty and she smells good... I held her hand...” He smiled at the memory for moment and continued. “We walked and she’d touch me or brush against me...and...sure...I want to...I mean, not today, though...yes...but No... But I’ve never...y’know...”

His words kept coming, and Steve pulled his arm back and leaned forward, looking down because he couldn’t suppress a smile.

“...so it’s not like I know what that’s like, but I definitely...want to... And you’re laughing at me.” Charlie looked at them.

Danny elbowed his husband hard and leaned forward. “No, Charlie, we are not laughing at you, it’s that some of us still use our 12 year-old brains.” Danny gave Steve a quick glare before turning back.

“So, you like Maya, and when you are around her, you are attracted to her...which is giving you certain feelings and all that is completely normal. But I’m pretty sure you know that, so what is concerning you?”

“Right.” Charlie rubbed a thumb into one palm. “This is really hard. Why...um...”

Charlie took in a deep breath, closed his eyes and breathed out slowly, clearly trying to calm himself. They watched him carefully as he opened his eyes and looked between them. He leaned forward.

“OK. What I felt today, being with Maya...sometimes...that happens...at...school.”

“Like when she calls you or you think about her?” Danny asked.

Charlie shook his head, “With...people who are not...Maya.” He could see understanding wash over Danno’s face, grateful, yet afraid. “And I love you both and I’m not embarrassed to be your son and have everyone know you’re my dads...but I don’t want to be...there’s nothing wrong...I know that...I do...But I don’t want to feel...that way.”

Steve and Danny looked at one another and Danny said quietly, “You might be better...” Danny hadn’t encountered his bisexuality growing up the way Steve had. Steve nodded.

“OK, there’s two things happening right now and and I think we need to separate them. They’re connected, but not the same, yeah? Like when you’re developing a tactical plan at school. There’s the primary mission and then there’s secondary operations that go on and both are happening at once but they have different parameters and objectives. OK?”

Charlie nodded is head several times, focused and feeling like his dad had just tossed him a rope.

“Good. Feeling arousal can happen anytime, right, sometimes when you’re really pumped, like during tacticals...”

“Yeah, but that’s...” his face scrunched a little, “yeah, when we play paintball and rappelling on the ropes course and I’m all tee’d up, hard-ons happen. That’s not what I’m talking about.”

“OK. Just wanted to make sure.” Steve paused, thinking for a moment.

“Is this happening like it does with Maya, with someone you like and are spending time with? Or is it more general, like you look around the weight room and bodies, muscles, whatever, turns you on? Or both?”

He had to think about that. Was there a difference? “I guess, it’s the first one. But I’ve never done the other thing with girls either. When I was at Kukui, Aapo would watch girls walk down the hall and make comments about how so-and-so was hot or whatever and sure, they might be, but I didn’t scope them out like that. And I’ve never done that with guys...but...my unit at school is tight, y’know?” Steve nodded, understanding.

“And that is intentional. You are meant to bond with them like they are a part of you so you can work as one and intuit each other’s needs and actions. That creates a kind of intimacy you’ve not had before.”

He almost looked relieved. “So, maybe it’s that? And I’m not...” his voice trailed off.

“No, you absolutely could be bisexual, Charlie. I am and I’m comfortable with the label, but I really can only talk about my own experience here. I’m asking you questions to help you understand yourself. No one else gets to decide what or who you are.”

“OK.”

“Intimacy with your unit will happen, and if you made the choice to enter the service, that gets even stronger. But once you understand that for what it is and why it’s necessary, well, wanting to sleep with someone in your unit, that is not the average experience, do you see what I’m saying?”

“Um...I think so.”

Danny interjected, “I know that...that it’s uncomfortable to talk about this stuff, but it might be helpful if you would tell us specifically what is happening for you.”

“Specifically...uh, it’s Andy. He’s my best friend, and it’s not all the time, but...I’ve dreamed... about him.” Charlie’s face felt on fire.

“And in the morning...when I...y’know...I’ll think about him sometimes. Not always. Mostly I think about Maya...but other times...and then I’ll see him and feel guilty, like I want to pull away and hide because I’m afraid he’ll know. But he’s so cool and he makes me laugh... and my fear goes away and it’s like we’re OK, so I push it out of my head and everything is normal again.”

“Charlie, Andy’s not in your unit.” Steve said quietly.

“I know, what’s that got to do with...” he looked confused.

“He means that what you’re feeling there isn’t coming from team building or brotherhood or whatever it is you military meatheads call fun. That’s not who Andy is to you.”

His face fell and he felt the burning behind his eyes, “So that means...but I don’t want...”

Danny got up and sat on the coffee table so he could put his hand on his son’s shoulder, comforting him.

“Hey, hey, relax. No one here is trying to tell you to be something you don’t want. OK? But it’s also perfectly OK if you are. Fact is, most people, wether they want to acknowledge it or not, have felt romantically or sexually attracted to both men and women in their life. It’s way more common that anyone talks about. For some, it was maybe a one-time thing and it never impacts their life in any way. For someone like Steve, it is a fuller part of how they see themselves and how they move through the world. And you get to decide what this means, OK? No one else.”

His son nodded and his shoulder’s relaxed a bit so Danny continued, “But the second part Steve mentioned, the side-op or whatever he called it, _that_ we do need to get to the bottom of. Why is it you’re so against these feelings?”

“I don’t know.”

“Yes, you do. And that needs to be dealt with, because it’s when you start avoiding or hating some part of yourself or your life and then you don’t deal with it...you become self-destructive. That’s what happened with the car, with Jesse, with your mom...and you’ve come too far for all that to start up again.”

He slumped forward, looking at the floor and said, “It scares me.”

“What scares you?” Steve asked.

Charlie looked at him, “All of it. Today, being with Maya, I knew that everywhere we went, no one would bother us. That people, strangers, would see us and wouldn’t even notice us or if they did, it wouldn’t be to hate us. And I know that’s weak and that I shouldn’t care... but I do.

“And I don’t know all the details about what you two... do...but what I do know...it seems...just scary. And I know that’s dumb too because I’ve never done anything with anyone so what do I know, right? Except I know I’m not afraid of doing it with Maya. Believe me, I can envision that really well.”

Steve let out a chuckle at that. “We’ll save the mechanics for another time, but you and I are gonna have that talk because I think everyone should know about all kinds of sex, even kinds of sex they aren’t gonna have, for exactly this reason. But that’s not for now.

“The other thing though, all I can tell you for sure is there will come a time when you won’t care like you do now. I have been exactly where you are and what you are feeling and it’s ok. But later when you are comfortable in who you want to be, and you find yourself loving someone so much you can’t imagine breathing without them... you will not give a rat’s ass about anyone else. There was a time when people like us could never let our guard down in the world because it could literally get us killed. But that isn’t the world now. Assholes and bigots still exist, but they are becoming smaller and smaller, and you will find your way. I believe that completely.”

“I, uh, my perspective there is a bit different,” Danny interjected, “because I was almost 40 when finally let myself acknowledge my feelings for Steve. So, not that long ago really, and I still felt that fear you’re describing. I didn’t know what the team would think, or your mom, or even you and Grace. It scared me. And I wasn’t sure I could do it. Because to be with him, to marry him...that wasn’t telling the world I was bisexual or whatever. That was telling the world I was gay, which I didn’t feel I was. I still don’t. But unless someone asks me specifically, they don’t know and don’t see me as anything other than a gay man married to another gay man.

“But here’s the thing. When I was married to your mom and we’d walk down the street with baby Grace in a stroller and the whole world saw me as a straight man? Well, that was a lie too. Because I’m not that either. And I bought into the illusion that I was straight because no one had ever told me there was another way to be. But it’s still a label that I don’t feel fits, same as people who think I’m gay. So I have to decide where my energy goes. Do I go out of my way to point it out to everyone I meet that I’m bi? Do I walk down the beach as though Steve isn’t my husband so no one can tell either way? Or do I let it go?”

Steve nodded. “And while presenting as straight-passing is an easier path to walk even now, the fact is, I was just as bisexual when I dated Catherine as I am married to Danno. Yet to anyone who didn’t know, I was straight then, and I’m gay now, because people will take in what they see and put you into the box that is easiest.”

“Charlie, all this is your decision and we will support and love you no matter what.” Danny squeezed his son’s shoulder again and Charlie felt warmth in the connection.

Steve reached out and took his hand as well. “It’s also OK to not worry about any of this and just go were the ocean takes you. Maya is great and you seem to like her, so follow that wave and see where it goes. And if it seems that things with Andy are developing and he feels that way too, then drift on that wave for a while and maybe you’ll find it fits too. You’re 17. This is what dating is for; trying relationships on and learning what works for you and what doesn’t.”

Charlie looked between them, “Mahalo.” They enveloped him into a hug and held him. The dark monster that he’d spent 18-months fearing would overtake him no longer felt like a monster at all. It was more like deserted road that he no longer had to follow. And he knew the two men hanging on to him were the reason.

“Who wants to drive me to mom’s?”

“That’s definitely something Danno wants to do, y’know, because he likes having the chance to drive his own car.”

Danny cocked his head a little, “You know what, yes. Yes I do. Especially when Mr. Funny Jokes there can use the time I get to hang out with you to fold and iron the clothes that are in drier as an excellent start to his month of laundry duty.”

“I never agreed to that.” Steve protest.

“Uh, yeah you did. Super-secret probation, remember.”

Steve leaned in close and said, “I thought that was code for something else...”

“You mocked the Tooth Fairy, Steven. The Tooth Fairy is sacred.”

“Someone is getting extra starch in their work shirts” Steve grumbled under his breath.

“What was that, Dad? You back-talking?” Charlie grinned and looked at Danno who winked at him.

“Get out, both of you.” Steve pushed them out the door, then grabbed Charlie’s arm. “I love you, kid.”

“I love you, too.”


End file.
